Home » Look at me, I’m a Necromancer!

Look at me, I’m a Necromancer!

I’m seriously struggling with this Stop Start technology, I truly am.

Stop start technology = Okay the idea is really sound – a lot of newer cars have a feature where the car senses when you’re stationary and stops the engine to conserve fuel and emissions. With a quick tap of the accelerator pedal the block springs back into life and you can continue on your merry way happy in the knowledge that for the last sixty seconds of waiting at the lights, you didn’t injure any dolphins or something.

Well that’s the theory.

I don't know what it looks like but I'm guessing it's not two glowing buttons..
I don’t know what the inner workings of stop start looks like but I’m guessing it’s not two glowing buttons..

Personally I see it as a split second heart stopping device, especially when you’re not aware the stop start tech is armed and ready to unleash and you wonder why everything suddenly grinds to a halt and peaceful birdsong fill the air. Well that’s what happened when I first got behind the wheel of a E250 and I got to my first set of traffic lights – the engine ground to a halt unexpectedly and my heart made a bolt through my throat thinking I’d just toasted a $100,000 Mercedes.

Today I’ve found myself behind the wheel of a very well built 2015 VW Golf Tdi and things were going okay as I tried to work out what every switch and dial actually did when I pulled up for a turn and start stop killed the engine. At least this time my vital organs didn’t make a break for freedom but still, suddenly I found myself looking for the switch that turned this feature off.

Ripper car aside from one feature..
Ripper car aside from one feature..

Why? Because I have this unfounded fear that once off, there’s going to come a time when it doesn’t fire to life straight away and I’ll suddenly find myself stomping on an accelerator pedal in blind fury and go nowhere fast. As a former owner of a dying Mazda RX7, if it came to a stop when you least expect it, you knew it was going to take some time to spark back to life again (not necessarily on the same day either..) The fear is real and carried on to everything I drive now regardless of what German genius built it. If I want it to stop, I’ll stop it myself. I’m an adult, I can do this without prompting thank you very much.

Apart from the carbon footprint aka environmental impact and few microbes of extra petrol at the end of each driving day, the only people I can see who enjoy the feeling of stop start technology must be wannabe Necromancers. Finally there’s a car that you can wave your hands over the steering wheel, utter something arcane, dramatically stomp your feet and suddenly things lurch to life to the amazement of other Necromatic passengers and nobody else. Plus you don’t have to sacrifice anything in doing so save for your diginity which is a bonus. 

Are necromancers the next untapped automotive gold mine? Someone must think so. How else would you explain stop start technology?
However if you really feel the need to be a Necromancer, may we suggest a quick round of Diablo 2 Gold Edition?

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