We’ve been watching a lot of the ripper show Bargain Hunt here at Driveanotherday HQ. Now surely I’m not the only rev head who has seen it and thought…’could you do a version of this…but with cars?’

Now if you’ve never seen Bargain Hunt before, allow me to bash out a quick guide: Two teams of two are assigned an antiques expert each, some money and are then unleashed on the nearest antiques fair to find some hidden bargains to auction off later in the attempt to make more money than they bought the item for. Any money they don’t spend is given to the expert to spend on a ‘bonus buy’, an extra item that the teams have the opportunity to auction off if their original items sell badly. The team with the most profit (or in most cases the least loss) is deemed the winner.

My ratchet spinning idea would be just like the current rules and regulations of Bargain Hunt but the focus to be on the wonderful world of automotive fury. So in order to see my wild fever dream to reality, I propose the following.

1. The host stays. Seriously, watch Bargain Hunt and attempt to tell me that Tim Wonnacott is replaceable. His unique expressions, eccentric style and absolute passion for what he does is more than evident in every single frame he brightens up, regardless of the brick like impersonations of some of the customers and auctioneers. Now he might need a couple of copies of Auto Trader and Just Cars (as well as the occasional flick through this page) to be brought up to speed about all things mechanical but I’m sure that he’ll do just fine.

2 . The current Bargain Hunt experts however do need to go because I’m not sure they’re entirely down with understanding a Vortex Supercharger or what a front mount actually does. As fortune would have it, I did hear on the TV grapevine that there might be a couple of gents who could fit the bill quite nicely who have a little history with cars..

1. You’re really not going to find many parts to a Mazda Rx3 in Scarsborough Fair are you, lets be honest. No we’re going to taking Bangers Bargain Hunt to really exotic locations, including the finest wrecking yards Japan, Europe and small country towns in Australia have to offer. Yes there’ll be less old people milling around oohing and ahhing over stained glass spit bowls but that’s actually a good thing.

1. Up the purchase money to $1000. You could find some glorious pieces for that amount of cash.

1. Anything the contestants think they could make a buck off come auction time is fair game. It could be teacup lights off a 70’s sedan, some rare badge, a home made cold air intake make from duct from the local hardware store someone stuffed in their engine bay before crashing into a tree, a dildo shifter, complete block, turbos, a body panel or even a complete car minus the seats. This is where Tim will really come out to shine.

1. The Auctioneer stills gets to give their view on the teams purchases and will undoubtedly bring a few back down to reality:

TIM: Now David what do you think of this airbox the Blue Team snagged?

AUCTIONEER: Standard black plastic airbox from the SC300/Toyota Soarer, usually replaced by some kind of newer cold air intake. Some people even cut them open or turn them into BFI for a bit of home made power gain. Bit of a dirty filter in it though which doesn’t help.

TIM: And what do you usually see these going for on the auction block?

AUCTIONEER: We usually value these around $40-50

TIM: Oh dear…$75 paid…better hope Jeremy’s bonus buy saves the day!

1. The auctioneers are under strict instruction to make things far more exciting than usual.

1. Winners get to do burnouts in the auction house carpark while the losers have to film it and commentate. Fun for all!

I smell a ratings winner here. Yes? YES!