A side order of spark plugs please

A new (lazy) way of ordering pizza has suddenly given me an idea related to…spark plugs.

In my mailbox today I received a hot pizza offer, provided I refuse to talk to anyone, text the pizza company a pizza emoji (or the word pizza if I’m not that lazy), hope they remembered to write down what I liked last time and then agree to have my last order resent to me. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Dominoes Pizza Emoji Delivery Service! (Or the D.P.E.D.S for short..)

Your last order was 122 garlic breads yes?
Your last order was 122 garlic breads yes?

Very lazy yes, good marketing idea? Brilliant. Especially when you show off to nan than you can order a meatlovers pizza in the time it took her to reach for the phone book. And it got me thinking, if we can do this for a hot bit of dough in a box (make of that statement what you will) could we use the same technology when it suddenly hits the home mechanic that they need a new set of spark plugs?

Well you could…aside from a couple of glaringly obvious problems.

PROBLEM NUMBER 1: There’s no actual spark plug emoji.

Yes you can order a pizza by sending Dominoes a pizza emoji. You can probably order something else from certain people by sending them a wink emoji. (Hell my Samsung seems to include some kind of mace head emoji – could someone please explain the situation where I’m going to be using that one?) A spark plug emoji? Forget about it. You’re going to have to manually type in SPARK PLUGS into a text to get the computer ordering systems attention and the problem with this is that unless your spark plugs are easily located (1JZ-GTE, Mazda B6) your hands are going to be covered with a lot of crap just pulling them out (RB25, EJ20 and everything else) and the least number of things you have to press with your filthy fingers, the better. And of course if you struggle to spell ‘spark plugs’ to begin with and your hands are filthy, well..

spark plugs
The engine gunk made me do it..


The second problem I forsee for this multi-billion dollar idea is the theory that the average person has no idea (nor cares) about what spark plugs they’re running. Look I know, I have a set of NGK BQ7RES- no wait, a set of BKR6EQU- no I don’t think they’re the spark plugs I have.. Then there’s options – do you run with coppers, iridium tipped, platinum or gold plated spark plugs? NGK or Bosch? Pre-gapped or gap them yourself? We don’t foresee many people filling out the initial for correctly at all..
So when you text the spark plug no emoji delivery service (or SPNOEDS for short) with your request, a lot of learning mechanics will just take what it suggests at face value..

A common mistake..
A common mistake..

But hey, apart from those two small niggling drawbacks, I can’t see how this idea won’t make me an instant squillionaire. And if someone beats me to it, then I’d like a life time supply of spark plugs for my rides please for coming up with the idea first..

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