2005 Buick Park Avenue – hold onto your kneecaps!

There’s road rules, there’s road regulations. And then there’s the wheels on this Buick Park Avenue in Austin Texas that seem to have their own postcode. Seriously, how and why are these an actual thing?

For the love of side swipes..

Look, I’m not the first bloke who loves a gadget or two in anything automotive and I don’t mean the wonders of a sunroof that doesn’t leak on occasion. I’m talking 007-esque levels of gadgets that pop out with a press of a button, wipe out a pursuer in a heartbeat and then retract quietly into the bodywork when down.

This however looks like the button is completely jammed and those tire shredders are here to stay.

As you can see, parking would be an issue. Quadruple so on a busy weekend when free spots are scarcer than hens teeth. But then things don’t get better at home either (especially if you’re like me and your garage barely has any room in it before you put a car in there.)

Luckily if you do cop a flat with one of these road warrior wheel options, this Buick Park Avenue does come with a spare…that can also cause plenty of damage.

This is the first time I noticed the spare spares on the right hand side. This guy is prepared for anything!

To wash it, stand back. Stand well back. The dog knows this well.

Buick Park Avenue

It’s not just the outside of this Buick Park Avenue..

No if you can get close enough (and someone obviously did) there’s a fair bit going on inside wise as well!

Buick Park Avenue
Buick Park Avenue
Buick Park Avenue
Buick Park Avenue

It looks comfy enough and no one will get close when it’s rolling! If you’re keen, it’s up on Facebook with the following information

Seller’s Description

Well sale just car 17k or 27k complete,pop truck ,custom grill , interior done, car, 17 g24s

But what the hell are these wheels about?

It seems I learn something every day thanks to the interwebs – these are apparently Texan elbow wire wheels or ‘Swangas’ which came about from the Crager wheel company fitting a couple of models to Cadillac’s from 79 to the mid 80s. They weren’t the most structurally perfect thing ever built but that’s where the idea and love for these things stemmed from. Now it’s a big part of something called SLAB culture (Slow Loud and Bangin) and massive in places like Houston.

So in terms of these types of rims, I guess you could call this a slight swang:

And this would be a far more aggressive swang then. Like ‘I’m about to invade your lane space.’

But are they legal?

Amazingly yes they are various places like Lousiana, provided they fall within specific guidelines. According to Louisiana law, a vehicle can be no wider than 102 inches. A Ford Escape SUV is about 72 inches, so even with 15 inch swangas it would still be within the legal limit. So you can use these things, you just have to be carefuly.

Hilariously a very rough measurement of my 2005 Subaru Impreza shows it’s roughly 64 inches across give or take which means it could rock quite the Swang. Oh god.

So there you go, a little education on what you’re looking at. Now knowing this, would I ever buy something that looks like this 2005 Buick Park Avenue special? Of course not. I can only imagine the sheer heart attack the crew at the local RTA here in Australia would have when this rolled into the testing back and conveniently gouged out a large chunk of garage door frame on the way in.

But hey, if it’s you’re thing it’s up on Facebook for sale right now so enjoy your new Swang SLAB! (Am I saying that right?)

(Although can you imagine these rims on something like the Buick Roadmaster we dug up earlier?)

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